The final post... this is it... the one you have all been waiting for.
My time in Guyana has come to an unfortunate end. I had to say goodbye to all my students and friends. I am trying to mentally prepare myself to say goodbye to the person that has stood by me the last six months, and has been my best friend in Guyana. I don’t think it would take less than a year to prepare myself for that.
Although a lot of you know the reason why I am leaving Guyana, I think it is only fair that everyone knows that I am not running away, and wasn’t driven to total insanity by my eighth graders. Without a tear, and without a sigh, I can tell you that I was sexually assaulted. I put my trust in the hands of the wrong person, and I am greatly paying the price. Words can’t really describe the mental maze that my mind went through, you don’t know until you’ve lived it. Never in my life have I felt so powerless; stripped bare of my confidence, strength and self respect. I am nothing.
My organization deemed it unsafe for me to remain in my location and advised me to return home. This was the all round best decision for my mental well being, but left me with a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction. I’m not finished here... how can I leave right now... how did this happen... how did I let this happen? The thoughts were running through my head at a mile a minute until I stopped at the most important question of all: what can I do about this?
After a lot of zigzagging across decisions I finally chose to press charges. I remember watching TV shows and hearing stories about victims of abuse and assault that never pressed charges; I never understood why until now. I had a lot of people pressuring me to press charges and to see that justice was served. I found that people could easily tell me that I needed to see this through, and that we needed to nail this guy. Of course I agree, but when you are the one who’s being questioned but an authority that doesn’t believe you have been wronged, it makes pressing charges a little less desirable. I am hoping this makes those of you out there a little more understanding to my decisions.
I hope that women (especially in Guyana) understand that no man has the right to your body. Consent is not given through silence or lack of resistance, and can only be given by you. No one should be able to corner you into thinking that you deserve any abuse, or that you “ask for it”. No means no, end of story.
As it stands right now I am leaving Guyana for a while. I might be back in court in March 14th, but I might not be. The thought of waiting another few months for this to finish while I prolong straightening out my life doesn’t sound like a fun time to me.
I am going to miss Guyana with all my heart. I am going to miss the warm weather, the palm trees, and the birds. I am going to miss all my family of friends, and my dog Pinky. I’m going to miss Guyana. I am going to be swept off my feet falling back into the hectic lifestyle that awaits me in the UK... that is going to take some adjusting.
I have learnt so much from being in Guyana for the past 6 months; I have grown up and I have been given so many of life’s lessons. However, I can’t shake off this cloudy feeling. My world has been torn apart within a couple of weeks, and it’s hard to really know how to feel. The emptiness is taking over me and I am experiencing things outside of my body. I am struggling to take control of myself, but I know I need to before I lose grip on my emotions entirely. Thing are going to be okay, but only if I make them okay. I need to start cheering for myself.
Go Katie!!
-Peace out Guyana
