The Journey Ends

The final post... this is it... the one you have all been waiting for.

My time in Guyana has come to an unfortunate end. I had to say goodbye to all my students and friends. I am trying to mentally prepare myself to say goodbye to the person that has stood by me the last six months, and has been my best friend in Guyana. I don’t think it would take less than a year to prepare myself for that.

Although a lot of you know the reason why I am leaving Guyana, I think it is only fair that everyone knows that I am not running away, and wasn’t driven to total insanity by my eighth graders. Without a tear, and without a sigh, I can tell you that I was sexually assaulted. I put my trust in the hands of the wrong person, and I am greatly paying the price. Words can’t really describe the mental maze that my mind went through, you don’t know until you’ve lived it. Never in my life have I felt so powerless; stripped bare of my confidence, strength and self respect.  I am nothing.

My organization deemed it unsafe for me to remain in my location and advised me to return home. This was the all round best decision for my mental well being, but left me with a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction. I’m not finished here... how can I leave right now... how did this happen... how did I let this happen? The thoughts were running through my head at a mile a minute until I stopped at the most important question of all: what can I do about this?

After a lot of zigzagging across decisions I finally chose to press charges. I remember watching TV shows and hearing stories about victims of abuse and assault that never pressed charges; I never understood why until now. I had a lot of people pressuring me to press charges and to see that justice was served. I found that people could easily tell me that I needed to see this through, and that we needed to nail this guy. Of course I agree, but when you are the one who’s being questioned but an authority that doesn’t believe you have been wronged, it makes pressing charges a little less desirable. I am hoping this makes those of you out there a little more understanding to my decisions.

I hope that women (especially in Guyana) understand that no man has the right to your body. Consent is not given through silence or lack of resistance, and can only be given by you. No one should be able to corner you into thinking that you deserve any abuse, or that you “ask for it”. No means no, end of story.

As it stands right now I am leaving Guyana for a while. I might be back in court in March 14^th, but I might not be. The thought of waiting another few months for this to finish while I prolong straightening out my life doesn’t sound like a fun time to me.

I am going to miss Guyana with all my heart. I am going to miss the warm weather, the palm trees, and the birds. I am going to miss all my family of friends, and my dog Pinky. I’m going to miss Guyana. I am going to be swept off my feet falling back into the hectic lifestyle that awaits me in the UK... that is going to take some adjusting.   

I have learnt so much from being in Guyana for the past 6 months; I have grown up and I have been given so many of life’s lessons.  However, I can’t shake off this cloudy feeling. My world has been torn apart within a couple of weeks, and it’s hard to really know how to feel. The emptiness is taking over me and I am experiencing things outside of my body. I am struggling to take control of myself, but I know I need to before I lose grip on my emotions entirely. Thing are going to be okay, but only if I make them okay. I need to start cheering for myself.

 Go Katie!!

-Peace out Guyana

Fighting an Uphill Battle...

Wow, the term has started and is in full swing. I'm trying to keep up but I have this feeling I left my mind and my heart in 2011.

Trench in Anna Regina

I'm struggling to get through to one of my classes; I feel my blood pressure rise every time I am in that classroom. Now don't get me wrong, the majority of that class are great, but there are around 5 individuals that ruin science class for everyone. An overall lack of respect force me to raise my voice and give impromptu quizzes. It sucks for the whole class, but I am hoping that the class getting mad will maybe encourage these few students to listen and finally stop talking. I have a funny feeling that it isn't going to work. I am afraid that I am going to have to resort to complete and total humiliation. It has always been against my moral code to embarrass a child, but since teaching my ethics have dramatically changed. I have tried positive reenforcement with ice cream, but again, the ones that don't care overpower the ones that do. I'm pretty sure this class is going to cause me permanent internal damage.

Queenstown Sea Wall

I spent the last week detoxing. It was Sarah's idea and I decided to join her. I started last Monday and was supposed to finish on Wednesday. Today I was starting to feel good. My skin is breaking out as that is where all the nastiness emerges but apart from that I was doing good. After a stressful day at school, ending with the class mentioned above and a frustrating phone call I was upset enough to eat a frozen cupcake, some swedish fish candies and a bottle of coke. Now I'm deeply craving some good fried chicken.

Guyana has been good for my body. I appear to have lost 2 dress sizes. It was weird seeing myself in a mirror over Christmas break as we didn't have a full mirror in our house. In fact, my fist is bigger than our bathroom mirror. Anywho, I am very satisfied with the way I look, and the continuous comments I get from my fellow teachers about my coca cola bottle shape. I look good from the back. LOL

Anna Regina path to the Sea Wall

In closing I would like to state that I am trying not to let my frustrations get to me. There are people that I don't see eye to eye with and don't always understand. I guess it is the cultural difference that is coming in. No matter what happens, I am not going to let frustrations ruin my time in Guyana, or give Guyana a bad name in my heart.

Goodnight and peace out.

2012 could have started much better...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Year.

My Christmas was spent in the Sunshine State... but first we had our World Teach mid-service conference. Sarah and I arrived after a very bumpy speed boat ride from Supenaam. I think we were both thankful we didn't have more to drink at the teacher's Christmas party. Essequibo must have been sad to see us go as the rain came down and down. Anyways, we reached Georgetown and I was greeted by a very happy Fiza. It was great to catch up and hear about her adventures in Paramakatoi. I was envious of her mountainous views and hikes. I was also extremely jealous that she has been playing with a baby jaguar for the last 3 months (it is going to be released). I can't recall the name of the jaguar but I was of a cutesy nature. JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS.
Our mid-service conference was a time for us to reflect on our first term in Guyana. Everyone's experiences were different, and some were better than others. I loved hearing all the stories from the interior, especially the Aishalton boys.

I left Georgetown at 2am to catch my plane to Miami (detouring through Trinidad). A celebration of our last night in Guyana left me a little intoxicated. Well, a lot more than a little. Let's just say that I have never felt so rough flying a plane. I looked like I was ready to hit the town, but I felt like I was ready to hit the pavement. Know what? A three hour flight with a stinging hangover would have been completely doable if it wasn't for the motor mouth sat next to me. Obviously the fact that I was silent and wearing sunglasses was not enough for him to stop talking to me, but a simple explanation of my physical state (you would think) would end his gabbering... no. No it didn't.
I spent my week in Florida mainly relaxing with my parents. I was disappointed at the comercialisation of the Florida Keys and the destruction of our oceans through the removal of coral reefs to sell. However, the time I got to spend with my parents was really great... I just wish my sister could have been there too.

Sarah and I arrived back in Georgetown on the 27th Dec. We stayed the night at a hotel and headed back to Essequibo. I mentioned before the bumpy speed boat ride to Georgetown... well this ride was the Nemesis Inferno of the Essequibo River. THANK GOD I hadn't eaten... =S
We relaxed for the past few days with the occasional visit from Nigel. We made awesome pina coladas and nachoes... something I had been craving for the past 4 months.

Nachos!!!

As far as New Year goes, all I can say is that I wish this year does not reflect the start I have had. New Year's Eve was a fun time and was not short of funny interludes. I found I was constantly harassed by drunk men. I don't mind dancing next to a guy, but constantly being pulled like a trophy object is not something I enjoy.

New Year's fun with my Roomie!

New Years day wasn't too great. I walked into wall through the hallway of the school at night to avoid a dead weasel on the floor. You may laugh, I find it funny now... however, I got home to find blood running from my nose. I also gained a headache that I, still now, have not been able to shift. I hope this pounding doesn't last through tomorrow.

I have so much to gain this year. I also have so much to lose. I feel that everything right now is a delicate balance. One thing can push the scale towards the good or the bad. I am pushing everything I have towards the good. I just hope it is enough to make this a good year. 2011 was such an eventful year, not to mention all the wonderful people I have met. 2012 has the potential to be my best year. For better or worse it is going to change my life.

-Peace out world.